Finding home

2015-08-10 06.35.25 I have spent a lot of time in the last year and a half: traveling. Across oceans and countries to spend time with long distance lovers, returning to my birthplace to discover my roots (and my new found love for skiing), exploring mountains and rocks with my family and friends, investing in friends property and getting to know my nephew and my goddaughter; my dog died; my heart soared and ached; I have an amazing community and resources.

I am still looking for home.

I am enrolled and participating in a 200-hour Anya Yoga Teacher Training. Courtney Bauer is the founder.  She is my light and sounding board, guide and friend in dialogue between mind, body, and soul. She has reminded me of the foundations of yoga, body talk, intuitive touch, mindfulness, healing fitness.

I engage in this work; I want it to be my home.

I have a room in Malaga, Spain at a friend's place where I can rest my head. The rooftop garden looks out to the Mediterranean Sea. There is a Thai mat in the living room, altars, and symbols of worship and study of the divine everywhere. We sat together eating pan con tomate y cafe sólo this morning before we went to the beach.

This feels like home.

I just completed a course in Osteo Thai techniques for the heart, neck and head with David Lutt, Lulyani in Southern France. Surrounded and immersed in an international community of healing practitioners, circling up in the mornings, meditating on breath, practicing loving kindness, reciprocal tension, and listening to fascia.

I am inspired to make this home.

I have an apartment in Brooklyn with 16 windows, two sky lights and can see Prospect Park from my bedroom, one block away. I have a great roommate who cares for me and a dog who has lived through the loss of my (and her) best friend, Chula. She (like her mom) offers her loving dog therapy, a soft coat, and black-rimmed, flirtatious eyes.

When I return from travels near and far, this is my home.

I have clients that I have been seeing for years, in their homes, at their jobs, at Reflections Yoga, Studio Anya, and Urban Yoga Foundation; I lead retreats in Montezuma, Costa Rica, Anamaya Retreats. I want to offer all that I have to give. I practice Thai Massage, t'ai yoga therapy, movement and breath work, guided mediation, and yoga Nidra...sometimes a deep tissue or sports massage too... I don't carry a heavy table; I make my own schedule, and I love what I do.

I call this home.

I have invested time and energy into a property and an idea with my best friend in Wisconsin, hoping to grow a business or at least spend more time together, with my goddaughter and maybe even future summers on Lake Superior, because it is just so damn beautiful, pristine, and inviting.

This could be home.

I have a family house; my mom still lives there; my brother was born there. I remember 17 years of progress, evolution, and trying to leave this place.  New Mexico never felt like my own. And now, at 36, I have returned and been excited and nostalgic about this place I know and love, and have healed so many wounds around youth and misunderstandings of what it means to belong.

This is my home.

I have a sister who is my rock, my greatest supporter, always telling me I can do anything and that I am amazing, and watching out for my self doubting, loathing, neurotic self.... With a nudge or a hug, or a sisterly WTF. She brought my nephew, Daniel, into this world. My angel. The sweetest thing, star baby turned to toddler, bilingual, great disposition, warm hearted and curious spirit that he is.

They are my home.

I am untethered, free to roam, looking for my home... I am where I am.

Everywhere is home.

No one else can describe the things I have seen with my eyes, felt with my heart, tasted with my tongue, heard the songs on the streets where I walk alone going home.

I live in my body; I harness energy with my work; I embody spirit in my approach, and I love BIG.

This is where I live, in love.

I am home.